My thanks to Ken Chang for doing such a fine job of running the Lab while I was on vacation. I enjoyed his posts from afar, particularly his funny riff on the different scientific uses of the word “organic.” This post also turned inadvertently into an amusing experiment testing the open-mindedness of a Lab reader named Adam. He denounced the post as yet another example of my “doctrinaire Conservative view” even though, in addition to having nothing do with politics, the post wasn’t written by me (as Adam realized too late.)

But now to a happier topic: Step aside, Indiana Jones. We have a winner in the Lab Crystal Skull Contest, in which readers submitted ideas for a movie based on the real story of skulls like the ones in Indiana’s latest movie. Some museums are still displaying crystal skulls purported to be of pre-Columbian origin, but archaeologists say they’re part of a hoax that began with Eugène Boban, a 19th-century Frenchman who peddled the fake skulls to collectors and museums.

The judges were tempted by several of the entries, including Dan’s entry for a Victorian detective story and Jay’s proposal for Johnny Depp to play an archaeologist losing his grip on reality. We were impressed with the collaborative spirit of Don Ron, who added some refinements to a carefully plotted tale of Sean’s.

But the grand prize goes to Max Harris, a management analyst at the Department of Labor in Chicago. He’ll receive a DVD of the “Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade” (his choice among the options) for this entry:

So, forget the period piece. It’s a modern day thriller. We move Boban to the present. He’s part of a vast web of international art intelligentsia, putting frauds out to drive museum attendance in an era of YouTube and post-sarcasm. Boban is the villain, probably played by Jonathan Pryce (never mind that he’s English, the people who go see this type of movie don’t know the difference… Euro is Euro to them).

Our hero is a fedora wearing archaeologist cynic. Maybe a little nebbishy, and thrown into the fire. I’m thinking Ralph Fiennes here. He objects to the forgeries, which are obvious to him, but a public saturated with X-files believers, creationist adherents and moon landing deniers creates a firestorm of public opinion against him. Meanwhile, the secret group that Pryce is a member of, conspires to kill our hero, take him out. Through a series of increasingly improbable action sequences with some very thinly plotted exculpatory scenes, Fiennes character finally reached Pryce, beats the story out of him (Pryce winds up being like a secret fencing champion or maybe a part time MMA fighter, making him a very tall obstacle indeed for a wispy old British guy), is on to getting the names, and Pryce is killed by his own people. A chase ensues with fancy, non-consumer sports cars through (insert world cultural capital of your choice) with Fiennes coming up short of getting Pryce’s killer. The sequel writes itself.

Soon to be a major motion picture, if Hollywood has any sense.

Congratulations to Mr. Harris. And for competitive Lab fans, here’s a reminder that you can still enter the Inconvenient Opera Contest.